By: The Quann Sisters
CIPRIANA: I have been on a physical/mental healing and overall wellness journey for the past eight years now. While you were always extremely encouraging and never failed once to give a listening ear to what you dubbed my “consistent little loving nudges”, that consisted of recommendations to read this book on mental health, this podcast on eliminating ultra processed foods/sugars or benefits of fitness, sharing ketogenic recipes to even my own life transforming experiences working with psychoactive plants to heal from our childhood trauma —yet the view of really prioritizing your own overall wellness had not mentally clicked until you recently had your first psychoactive experience at Beond, an ibogaine treatment center in Cancun, Mexico.
•Why do you think this was a major part of the catalyst or shift in your perspective regarding your overall physical and mental health?
TK: Subconsciously I was ready for something I hadn’t consciously grasped yet. Ibogaine latched onto that subconscious readiness and pulled it to the forefront in a way that I could no longer deny. Did I want to no longer be obese? Yes. Did I want to eradicate hypertension; debilitating numbing pain, the upper right side of my body was in crippling pain; pre-diabetes, a few signs are extremely darkened knuckles, darkened skin around neck, and fatigue—all of which I developed; severe lower back pain; and intense menstrual cycles? Yes, I wanted them gone quick. But I wasn’t doing much to get the ball rolling.
Change was something I desperately needed for my health, but even those very serious comorbidities weren’t enough to jumpstart a change in lifestyle because that meant giving up some of the things that made me happy. Eating ultra-processed food and refined sugar made me happy. I didn’t put too much thought into the fact that they were destroying my metabolic system, and they were the reasons why I was incessantly in pain. I didn’t think about that when eating a cupcake or pizza. In the moment I thought about how good they tasted and how they made me feel while eating them. How my body felt afterwards was another story.
When my Ibogaine session was over I had an immediate epiphany. I’m a survivor of childhood trauma. I was beaten and sexually abused everyday for over 10 years. Abuse, feeling pain was my norm as a kid. When I became an adult, I became my own abuser. Abusing my body with toxicity like ultra-processed food and sugar. I was now the perpetrator of abuse on my own body, which had acclimated to facing abuse at a very young age—so much so, that it was my norm. And I was so familiar with abuse that I didn’t recognize as an adult, I was now abusing myself. Creating this “norm” of abuse, this norm of pain for myself. Abuse felt normal and I was the one now continuing it upon myself. Whoa. This was my lightbulb moment.
I never expected this psychoactive plant to drastically change my mindset—but that’s exactly what it did.
CIPRIANA: Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, is one of the world’s foremost psychiatrists and researchers in the field of PTSD, working with survivors over the past three decades. He uses recent scientific advances to show how trauma reshapes both body and brain, compromising sufferers’ capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control, and trust. In his NYT’s best-selling book The Body Keeps the Score, one of the aspects of trauma he focuses on is in the ways the brain is shaped by traumatic experiences.
For the first time in 2022 you publicly shared in your now viral video, with over a million views, the immense amount of shame regarding the sexual childhood abuse.
• In what ways do you think the shame affected your physical and mental wellness—what were the underlying signs that your body was “keeping the score” —and how is the psychoactive plant; ibogaine helping you to release the score?
TK: Shame is a sticky, obstinate beast that refuses to budge for trauma until the hurt and the healing find some way to reconcile. I was so ashamed of admitting that we were abused everyday for over 10 years—particularly the sexual abuse because of the stigma that exists whendiscussing sexual abuse. Minimizing the abuse by saying, “Yeah, these really horrific things happened to us everyday as kids, but we’re adults now so I should be over it by now,” was another coping mechanism I developed. The thought process of convincing myself I’m ok, I’m healed, and I don’t want people to feel sorry for me, so I’ll say I’m healed was always how I dealt with our trauma.
But my body knew the truth and it was keeping the score, which led to exacerbating a toxic coping mechanism: Drowning myself even deeper in all the wrong kinds of food and it led to a host of problems. And the truth I was hiding, that I wasn’t as ok as I thought I was or tried to convince others I was, reflected in ways I could no longer ignore. Ways that were destroying my body. Ways that were destroying my health. Those underlying signs were disseminated throughout my entire being and were deadly physical manifestations such as pre-diabetes, hypertension, obesity, debilitating numbing pain, severe lower back pain, fatigue, and intense menstrual flow.
Even with those comorbidities I didn’t change my lifestyle. It wasn’t until after my Ibogaine session at Beond that I shifted my relationship to ultra-processed food and refined sugar. Saying, “I broke an over 35-yearaddiction to sugar in 8 days in Mexico,” sounds like some wacky, clickbait, elevator pitch title but if I had to be succinct there is no other way to describe the results. I began to reflect in ways I hadn’t before.
One of the major revelations I had is that everyday, for most of my childhood, I had been abused by our father. I was used to being physically and sexually abused everyday; seeing him be physically abusive with you and knowing he was sexually abusing you, but always sexually abused us separately was another trauma I didn’t acknowledge until well into adulthood. And I minimized that abuse when older. But as an adult I was continuing that abuse, doing it almost everyday and minimizing my actions. “Oh, sugar or processed foods aren’t that bad for me.” Again minimizing the damage I was inflicting upon myself—minimizing the abuse, and negating that I was abusing myself. Because abuse was one of the biggest components of our lives as children. My body had learned to live and survive through abuse. It didn’t seem strange for me to do that to my body as an adult when in my developmental years that is all my body knew. My body has been abused since I was 5 years old, I had acclimated to abuse and that was my norm. So, abuse became a habit for me—abusing myself with sugar and UPF.
Ibogaine changed my perspective. The power of changing your perspective is so transformative and I had experienced a clarity unlike before, particularly pertaining to health. I no longer wanted a body that was acclimated to abuse. I wanted a body that was acclimated to healing and healthy choices. Albeit Beond will be the first to say that Ibogaine isn’t a magic pill—and you still must do the hard work and implement lifestyle changes—there is something miraculous about this psychoactive plant in the way it changes your perspective to break an addiction.
CIPRIANA: I have seen firsthand all of the incredible work you have done in creating a lifestyle that is built in agency, through action—you not only talk the talk but walk the walk. In fact, I am absolutely astounded in your 360-degree shift of perspective.
It has recently been discovered that psychedelic drugs have profound effects due to neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity is a process that allows the individuals’ brains to adapt and restructure over time. From learned experiences a rewiring of the brain develops creating new synaptic connections between the billions of neurons in the brain.
Do you think your shift in perspective involves neuroplasticity and if so,what were specific “rewires” or changes?
TK: Thank you so much for the kind and thoughtful words as always sis! Absolutely, involved neuroplasticity. The following day after my Ibogaine session I started working out, I was boxing in their courtyard and using the elliptical machine. When I returned home, I started walking 10,000 steps a day to now 15k - 18k steps a day. Strength training started 3 months later, 3 or 4 times a week. I haven’t had ultra-processed food or refined sugar in 6 months. My food regimen consists of high protein and low carb diet.
The way I think about health has drastically changed. Before it was just about losing weight, which is why I wasn’t losing weight because I did nothing to change my food consumption. Once I stopped focusing on weight loss and focused on what my body needed versus what it wanted, that is when the weight began to drop off. And soon the things my body needed became the things I love. I no longer want the things that used to make me happy because they were destroying my body. How I view happiness has changed and that has also been transformative.
CIPRIANA: An isolated environment or lack of community/loved ones/friends has been equally associated with the detrimental effects of smoking up to fifteen cigarettes a day, according to a study published in the journal PLOS Medicine. A solitary lifestyle has also been linked with an increased risk of heart disease, depression, and cognitive decline.
While having a strong sense of your self worth and alone time with oneself, has been a necessary part of our lives—I cannot deny how positively integral sisterhood has affected our lives in the most difficult of circumstances. Research states that even one safe relationship early in the developmental stages of childhood will give that child a much better chance at growing up healthy.
•What does community mean to you and how has it impacted your life?
TK: Yes, wholeheartedly agree on a positive influence, and at least one will make a monumental difference—such as the the Kauai, Hawaii study I mentioned. Having just one positive influence can mean the difference in whether one breaks generational trauma. Our sisterhood can attest to that, and it has been paramount to not only our survival as children, but to our healing and bond as sisters and friends as adults.
There are many forms of community and sisterhood is absolutely one of them. We are living testaments to what a loving bond will do for those that have faced extreme abuse. And we always had that sense of community with each other and our extraordinary mom as well. A source of love, encouragement, and support is so integral in healing from trauma as some negative manifestations from childhood trauma can develop later in adulthood, as in our case—although your lightbulb moment with food in health occurred 8 years ago and mine was just 6 months ago.
Your consisting exhortations over the years to try to jumpstart my lifestyle change for my health never wavered. Never. What a world this place would be if every single human on the planet had a Cipriana as a family member or friend. Ibogaine may have changed my perspective, but you are the catalyst and the reason I laid my trepidations to the side regarding psychoactive plants—trepidations deeply immersed in stigma and stereotypes—and became open to this experience with Ibogaine. An experience that not only changed my life but saved it. I’m eternally grateful for you and your own journey is a joy to witness—your remarkable growth over the years, and your dedication, and discipline has been and continues to be incredibly inspiring.
In the beginning of my lifestyle change it was a bit daunting to my self-esteem and waistline to have this incredibly fit sister and not just a sister, but an identical twin. Our DNA is nearly identical yet due to obesity, my body had changed in a way that we no longer looked like twins. Whenever we were out together, I felt like a walking Before-and-After photo. I was ashamed that I had allowed my body to reach this weight gain that was causing daily pain, and you had gotten your act together years ago. I was ashamed that my health wasn’t thriving and my identical twin that experienced nearly identical abuse in an identical environment was no longer holding onto trauma in a way that was bulldozing her health.
I was ashamed that I hadn’t gotten my act together. But you were the prime example of what I could be if I did get my act together. The prime example of what healing looks like on someone that shows themself patience, kindness, and healthy love. The prime example of what was possible if I stopped saying, “I am healed” and started saying, “I am healing.” Because healing doesn’t have an end date. It isn’t some linear thing with chronological steps. To heal is to learn and the ways I can continue to heal are countless. Eight years later I finally get it.
And it would be remiss of me to not mention the incredible community—between the staff and clients—at Beond which was just as powerful as the Ibogaine session itself. I’m a firm believer that there is power in stories, healing power if we only take the time to listen—truly listen. There were so many inspiring and moving stories from everyone I encountered at Beond. It is the culmination of this community and Ibogaine that made my experience so transformative. However, I wasn’t surprised that the community there would leave such a lasting impression. The community of our sisterhood is the most powerful community in my life and I’m not sure where I would be today without it.
CIPRIANA: The US government illegally administered LSD to thousands of American and Canadian citizens unknowingly in an approved experiment called “Project MM-Ultra” in 1953, approved by then–CIA director Allen Dulles.
“Black Americans were atrociously exploited during this first wave of psychedelic research,” concluded the authors of a 2021 University of Ottawa study of abuses in the early trials of LSD—a CIA official attested they purposely targeted those “who could not fight back”.
Black incarcerated prisoners and psychiatric patients from the National Institute of Mental Health’s Addiction Research Center (ARC) were exposed to high doses of LSD and 800 other psychoactive drugs.
A 1960 study also concluded that in many additional MK-Ultra experiments “participants were subject to differential and torturous treatment and dosing dependent on race.” —Black incarcerated men convicted of drug charges were dosed with LSD in research wards while a group made up of “professional White people at Cold Spring Harbor, living freely,” took LSD in “the principal investigator’s home ‘under social conditions designed to reduce anxiety.’”
•What would you say to those who are very aware of the past history of psychedelics regarding Black communities in the states—and who have a distrust of what psychedelic assisted therapy means today?
TK: Unfortunately, there are countless examples, some of which you specified.
And these issues have existed for centuries with redlining, the origins of law enforcement, and how that translates today. The federal government funded a nationwide policy of demolition and large-scale clearance with the Housing Act of 1954 and Federal Aid Highway Act of 1964; and up until 1974 annihilated thriving Black neighborhoods to build highways to appease White suburban commuters. Nixon’s top aide confirmed that the “war on drugs” was really an attack on Black people—to dismantle marginalized communities with mass incarceration.
The distrust from those in marginalized communities that could greatly benefit from psychoactive plants is valid; we’ve seen how White communities with drug addictions are treated in comparison to Black communities with drug addictions. A perfect example is the language surrounding the opioid addiction over the years in comparison to the language and draconian sentencing towards people of color facing a similar crisis, as if there is a dichotomy that exists.
But with that distrust, hopefully there is a willingness to understand how beneficial psychoactive plants are for trauma. Deep rooted trauma that leads to addictions and PTSD. The power to heal from that trauma can reside in these plants.
Some people are in dire straits—life or death situations—and need help right now. They don’t have the months and years that therapeutic options require to help stop addictions; therapeutic options that implement psychedelic plants can vastly change that timeline. Listening to stories of those transformed by their journeys with medicinal plants will also abate some of that distrust. Storytelling can invoke seminal actions in our lives, so I would just encourage those with distrust to listen to those stories. They can and should pay attention to the science as well, but personal stories many times is what’s required to inspire a change in others and within ourselves.
CIPRIANA: The word “trauma” is derived from the Greek word for “wound.” Renowned addiction expert, childhood trauma specialist, physician and author, Dr Gabor Maté has always aligned the definition to the Greek derivative. In a 2024 interview with Human Window, Dr. Maté shared an even more in-depth perspective.
“If I cut your flesh, the healing would involve scar tissue forming. If the wound was great enough, you’d get a big scar, and it would be without nerve endings so you wouldn’t feel, and it would be much less flexible than your normal tissue. Trauma is when there is a loss of feeling and there is a reduced flexibility in responding to the world. This is a response to a wound. Trauma is a psychic wound that hardens you psychologically that then interferes with your ability to grow and develop. It pains you and now you’re acting out of pain. It induces fear and now you’re acting out of fear. So, without knowing it, your whole life is regulated by fear and pain that you’re trying to escape from in various ways. Trauma is that scarring that makes you less flexible, more rigid, less feeling and more defended.”
So, in short, trauma is not what happens to you but the way in which you react in your day to day from traumatic experiences.
• With this definition in mind how do you think your psychological wounds manifested and affected the way in which you react to yourself/your environment, and why did Ibogaine bring them to the forefront?
TK: A few years ago, you recommended the book you mentioned earlier, The Body Keeps the Score, and that definitely resonated in a way I didn’t think it would. Childhood trauma manifests in unexpected ways and mine manifested in obesity and severe comorbidities which were a result of my mindset—harboring those psychological wounds you mentioned. The negative coping mechanism I adopted as a child, consuming UPF and refined sugar, became a lifeline of sorts in helping me feel better when stressed as an adult. But the very thing I thought was making me feel better was annihilating my body.
However, what you highlighted pertaining to the neuroplasticity is what helped bring those wounds to the surface concerning what I touched upon earlier, with that lightbulb moment on how I was the perpetrator towards myself after my Ibogaine session. That revelation was a seminal moment in my healing journey. I thought psychedelics were just some drugs people took at Burning Man or rave clubs. But these are plants with deep ancestral roots from indigenous communities and they deserve respect, not trivialization rooted in stigma of Western stereotypes.Reducing that stigma will help pave the way in providing immense relief to those suffering from PTSD and addictions.
The Standford study I mentioned earlier, conducted with 30 war veterans, is illuminating in regards to its powerful effect on PTSD. Dr. Rick Doblin said the VA spends around 6 billion dollars every year in disability for 600,000 veterans. An opportunity to help those suffering is caught up in the red-tape of legality. If we pay attention to the science, the research, and the testimonials—the stories—I think we’d have a better grasp on what psychoactive plants mean for trauma and just how beneficial they can be if given the chance. I had to leave the country for that chance, and I believe it saved me from a future of chronic pain and disease, because I was headed there—I was already there. And because I took that chance, it changed my life in a way I never expected. But I’m happier, healthier, and healing stronger and better because of it.
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